Follow the Yellow Brick Road

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting the National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C. then chances are you’ve seen a pair of genuine Ruby Red Slippers from The Wizard of Oz. And if you’re anything like me, boy were you disappointed.

Originally the costume designer, Gilbert Adrian, created the pair with bugle beads. While the beads looked more like rubies they were simply too heavy. The beads were replaced with the sequins you see above. The red leather, jeweled bows were added after, the bows feature the original bugle beads that were to be used on the entire shoe as well as red glass jewels. The sequins were added to white silk shoes from the Innes Shoe Company which were dyed red.

Let’s get honest though. Those shoes leave MUCH to be desired, so today, I humbly offer some new ideas to MGM to outfit each character’s feet.

We start of course with the Ruby Red Slippers. Honestly, it’s hard to find decent red glittery shoes that don’t go along with rather adult looking Dorothy costumes (wth?). But I do think these Sully platforms from Enzo Angiolini fit the bill.

I love the sparkle and shimmer of these heels and were I the Wicked Witch of the West, I’d be pretty pissed if some narcissistic trollop stole them from my barely dead sister. I mean really, how gauche!

Speaking of the Wicked Witch of the West, I don’t really see her wearing something so glamourous as Ruby Red Slippers, no, she probably just didn’t want some stranger making off with her sister’s beloved shoes while her body is still warm. I am sure her Yellow Castle was covered in flying monkey poop and I’d imagine she wouldn’t want to get her sisters lovely shoes all shitty. I see her wearing these practical, yet fabulous, Libby Smith Boots from John Fluevog.

I still wouldn’t want to get monkey poop on them, but I’m sure it’s easier to remove said poop from these shoes than it would be from glittery sparkle shoes.

Glinda, the Good Witch, much like the late Wicked Witch of the East would probably also have sparkly shoes, but in a more virginal color. She was such a nosy do-gooder. Giving away shoes that didn’t belong to her because some girl with a fishy back story lands her house on a Witch terrorizing a race of people that has a guild for lollipops. Haven’t they heard of the food pyramid? They need more variety. Where’s the Kale Chip Guild?

Oh yes, Glinda would be utterly charming giving away shoes that don’t belong to her while wearing these Christian Louboutin Helmour 100mm pumps.

On her journey to Oz Dorothy meets the Scarecrow who decides to join her adventure in order to ask the great and powerful wizard to give him the gift of a brain. If he had a brain he would know that what he should REALLY ask for are these raffia pumps from Dolce & Gabbana.

All the chic Scarecrows are wearing D&G this season.

While on their way they meet the Tinman who desperately wants a heart. Personally I think the Tinman would be the best to dress, all metallic and industrial much like these Ruthie Davis Robot Platform Sandals.

Sexy, no? Though, if he had a heart, it’d be broken if these shoes don’t come in his size (mine would be too).

The last hanger-on they meet while traveling to Oz is the Cowardly Lion. He’d probably be terrified of these Prada Mohawk pumps, but too damn bad, I’m dressing him and he’ll wear these and like them.

RAWR! The mohawk looks so much like a lion’s mane does it not?

Oh, and what would The Wizard of Oz be without Dorothy’s little dog too?

We’re not in Kansas any more Toto. I wonder how many Toto’s it took to make these Prada Faux Fur Tall Boots? Wait, that’s Cruella deVille not the Wicked Witch of the West, wrong movie franchise.

So there we have it. Shoes I would happily visit in the Smithsonian.